So This Is The New Year.....

which means saying hello again to Kaleo and the prospect of coastal living! Brace yourselves - there are intriguing adventures to update upon.

Due in many ways to my own neglect, this post is extremely late. My most sincere apologies to any avid followers. Let's chalk it up to my attempts at returning to my insurpassable scholastic focus that was so evident last semester. Anyways, enough excuses. Here I sit, in my chair that I usually write these posts from, scratching dried peanut butter from my shift key, with an untidy mess of scattered garments strewn about me and a stack of stimulating textbooks I can scarcely keep my hands off of. Feel glad I tore myself away from them long enough for this. Please sense my sarcasm. Quite apart from this, though, I am feeling reminiscent and reflective. I am considering the events and lessons of last year, and looking forward with bright eyes and hopeful glances towards the future. There is excitement and enthusiasm within me. I feel a transition coming on; perhaps one more stark and affecting than those gradual ones I constantly encounter. Don't ask me what this means, or what is to be expected, but bask in this glorious moment of the unknown with me. Isn't it invigorating?

And so, what all to say? There are only so many things I can say about my holidays: they were wonderful, they were yearning, they were heart-breaking, they were heart-warming, they were restful, they were busy, they were challenging, they were easy,... full, empty, encouraging, aching - essentially, a contradiction of the greatest proportions. I loved being home with my family, catching up with friends, partaking in all of the stereotypical holiday traditions that I gushed over in previous posts. I marvelled at returning to semi-normal sleeping patterns. I ate hearty, home-cooked meals and read for pleasure. I played in the snow and hid away from the cold.

All at the same time, I missed this ocean-side dwelling of mine; I felt an ache in my heart that something significant was missing. I felt a melancholy I am scarcely accustomed to, a desperation for something great and challenging and purposeful and worthy. I clung to Jesus in a way I barely knew I had the capability of doing, with a hunger and thirst for His word and His presence. In many ways, it was a miniature journey of self-discovery, perhaps more accurately classified as a jaunt. It is wonderful, but it is exhausting and challenging, and, to a lesser extent, it has carried on into life here. I am learning - to seek solace, to be dependent on Him, to retrieve a passion. My time was tainted with an underlying, and unexpected, realization that I have lost my sense of belonging in that place. It will always be home, but I think I am recognizing a strange new desire and strength within me for something new, different, intriguing, purposeful. Don't get me wrong: Kaleo is all of these things. But beyond this year, I yearn for that again. I am growing less comfortable with the proposition of having a comfort zone.

And so, there you have it: a few of the thoughts and conjectures of my soul as of late. I scarcely know what to do with them, and I scarcely know if I've even communicated them to you all in a way that is remotely comprehensible. But regardless, if you all could continue to pray for and with me as I delve into these heart-stirrings, I would be forever indebted. I hope you are a fraction as excited as I am to see God move.

Beyond this, there are many things I should be blogging about, like my ministry here, or the snowboard trip I just returned from in which both of my roommates broke their arms, or a certain missions trip to NYC I'm embarking on in a couple months, but I'm not going to. Not now. Expect a new post within the next few days with updates on all that I'm actually getting marked on. Thanks again and always for your support and prayers. I am sending love and blessings your way.
-Jess