Psalm 34:8... "Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him."
I cannot think of a better verse to describe what this past week has been to me. This week was an experience of repeatedly feeling God's presence all around. The Lord's goodness was, for once, so tangible and real and applicable to life that it was, quite frankly, overwhelming. I know there were tears on my part, as well as on the part of my classmates as we embarked and were victorious in this week's adventure that was.... 24/7 Week of Prayer! Daunting as it sounds, I honestly felt the most growth of the entire year so far within our Kaleo community through this week. I have had some of the most impacting and significant conversations with friends, and I feel like, relationally, we've gone miles. Moreover, this week was a cool opportunity to find rest in the Father and circle back to the centre of what we're here at Kaleo for. There were lessons learned, wills broken, hearts searching, and a definite sense of the Lord's leading. As we took refuge in Him, we experienced a bit of the blessing that Psalm 34 talks about.
This week especially ended up being a week of identity-seeking for me; of realizing who I am, raw and real, in Christ, apart from preconceived notions placed on me over the course of my lifetime as a result of layers of achievements. Essentially, the Lord is breaking me down into my most pure and genuine form. He is showing me who "Jesse" really is, apart from labels and titles and expectations, apart from insecurities and pride, and He is showing me that that little girl is beautiful and desired and full of potential. Even when so much of this world has no clue who I really am (heck, I barely know who I really am), the Father in Heaven knows completely, faults, failures and all, and still loves ridiculously. Don't get me wrong: this is a process of vast proportions and a life-long journey. But it is one I am eager to take, one I am eager to be led through.
On a lighter note, this week wouldn't be Kaleo without the odd leisurely distraction. This week I: saw a movie in a theatre for the first time since August, went to a hockey game and cheered my heart out for a BC team (shocking, I know), enjoyed an open-dorm evening of hall wars, dancing and Wall-e, and wrote a few papers. And then, of course, there's Sunday. This week was truthfully fairly low-key and uneventful in the grande locale of Cobblehill. We stayed a bit after morning church for planning of the Bridge, and returned to practice a bit before the service. This Sunday, we enjoyed a relaxed service of testimony and hymns - ya, we kicked it old-school. Essentially though, I loved it. I love hymns. And so, the evening ended with a warm and fulfilled heart on my own part, despite much lack of sleep the three previous nights. The Lord was definitely working, and there have been a few newer faces coming regularly lately. This has me very much excited. Please, if you could be joining me in prayer for this church, these youth, and those we have the opportunity to witness to, that would be a tremendous blessing. Thanks!
Moreover, I suppose there's not loads to say other than to request one last thing of you: prayer and guidance for the future. In general, I don't feel too rushed in making any decisions in this department, but university application deadlines are looming and this has me thinking much about the matter at hand. Pray that I would approach possible future plans with a desire to complete the Father's will above all things. Thank-you. I love and miss you all, and look forward to seeing many of you at Christmas.
-Jess
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Late Nights and (gulp) Procrastination-Induced Sacrifice
Greetings from the island of irresponsible sleep deprivation!
Truthfully, there is little more that sums up my experiences of this past week better than that. I started the week off extremely hopeful that the story would be different. Alas, I seem to be somewhat incapable of going to bed earlier than 1:30, finishing homework earlier than the rushed last night before due dates, or catching a satisfactory number of hours of sleep per night. This is something I am working on; again, I have high hopes for improving on this this week. Cross you fingers. (I AM.)
And so, Monday through Wednesday I was off gallavanting about the island with... guess who! My parents and little sister! It was reading break for us for the early part of this week, so they made the long drive out here for some much-needed visiting time. I showed them around my new stomping grounds and we headed out to Tofino for a bit of a holiday along the surf. It was so great to see them (crazy to think its been two months), but also somewhat weird in that I've forgotten what its like to be accountable to parents and such. It was just an interesting dynamic to be getting back into after having been fairly independent and in such an intense community for the past while. Nonetheless, although I didn't retrieve as much refreshing sleep as I'd anticipated on this family getaway, it was a beautiful break from the day-to-day school life that's become mine. We had some good laughs, good food, and good catching up.
The rest of my week was pretty slack in terms of activities (one night we headed to Victoria for a ski film, class on Friday, and there was an intense fooseball tournament), and "Heremeneutics paper" were the words of the day on each of our lips. Paper-writing consumed much of our free time on the weekend, even prompting me, in my procrastination, to require putting priorities straight and missing out on the epic viewing of "Pride and Prejudice" (an all-time favorite of mine) with all the ladies in a fun girls night of tea, fondue, and Elizabethan romance. Shucks! I may have learned my lesson. Then again, I always say this, and seldom do things change.
I also got the opportunity this past weekend to serve at the Qwanoes Sr. High Retreat, in which I worked for a few hours in the kitchen helping prepare and serve food to the masses and then assisted in belaying in the challenge course. I've been finding I so enjoy these opportunities. Sometimes, they cause me some anxiety (such as when I still have a large paper to write and little time to write it), but in general, I have been loving interacting with the other staff members, meeting kids, and really just serving. It seems to me I often use my time less than wisely, so when these weekend opportunities come around, I feel like I'm using my time for some good for once. That being said, sometimes it feels weird to be living at a camp 24/7 and a person wishes they could escape the scene briefly for some different pace and purpose... but that is a story for another day.
Lastly, this weekend also provided some great opportunities for service, fellowship and leadership at Cobblehill. On Sunday, us Kaleos, Kristie (our student-life leader/driver/fellow churchgoer and friend), and a few of the youth essentially put on the morning service, giving the usual team a bit of a break. We led the music, the prayers, read scripture, etc., and though this called for a somewhat dauntingly early morning, the service went extremely well and I left church feeling confident and refreshed in the way the Lord had used us. In the evening, then, we returned to lead The Bridge service. We chose to have a fairly laid-back service once again, since there had been little time to plan as we prepared for that morning. And so, we enjoyed a fairly intimate, small group, campfire style, acoustic service. It was a good day, filled with many laughs, many egg sandwiches (there had been a funeral), and a definitely feeling of contentedness in God's presence and trust in the abilities He's given us.
The Lord's been teaching me contemplation and reliance lately. He's been placing many thoughts on my heart and mind, and showing me the importance of seeking a new kind of wisdom that comes only through a fear of Him. I'm not sure right now what exactly this fear involves, but I'm looking forward to delving into this a bit. (See Proverbs 2:1-5!) Moreover, within this, He's been showing me some of my own faults. Call it breaking, call it refining, but somehow I feel it hasn't been a painful enough breaking yet, a tedious enough refining. I know He's not done. But over and over again, I've been finding amazing comfort in Psalm 139, in that though God is so familiar with all my ways, all my shortcomings, all my anxious thoughts, He is still in love with me; He still wants to "lead me in the way everlasting" (verse 24.) What a gracious God we serve!
Time for me to close. This week, we're embarking on a new kind of adventure: 24/7 Week of Prayer. Please join me and my fellow students in this time of intense, focused communication with the Lord, and expect Him to do great things. Thank you so much for your love and prayers. Sometimes, I can feel them all around, blanketing me.
Love and blessings to you and yours,
Jess
Truthfully, there is little more that sums up my experiences of this past week better than that. I started the week off extremely hopeful that the story would be different. Alas, I seem to be somewhat incapable of going to bed earlier than 1:30, finishing homework earlier than the rushed last night before due dates, or catching a satisfactory number of hours of sleep per night. This is something I am working on; again, I have high hopes for improving on this this week. Cross you fingers. (I AM.)
And so, Monday through Wednesday I was off gallavanting about the island with... guess who! My parents and little sister! It was reading break for us for the early part of this week, so they made the long drive out here for some much-needed visiting time. I showed them around my new stomping grounds and we headed out to Tofino for a bit of a holiday along the surf. It was so great to see them (crazy to think its been two months), but also somewhat weird in that I've forgotten what its like to be accountable to parents and such. It was just an interesting dynamic to be getting back into after having been fairly independent and in such an intense community for the past while. Nonetheless, although I didn't retrieve as much refreshing sleep as I'd anticipated on this family getaway, it was a beautiful break from the day-to-day school life that's become mine. We had some good laughs, good food, and good catching up.
The rest of my week was pretty slack in terms of activities (one night we headed to Victoria for a ski film, class on Friday, and there was an intense fooseball tournament), and "Heremeneutics paper" were the words of the day on each of our lips. Paper-writing consumed much of our free time on the weekend, even prompting me, in my procrastination, to require putting priorities straight and missing out on the epic viewing of "Pride and Prejudice" (an all-time favorite of mine) with all the ladies in a fun girls night of tea, fondue, and Elizabethan romance. Shucks! I may have learned my lesson. Then again, I always say this, and seldom do things change.
I also got the opportunity this past weekend to serve at the Qwanoes Sr. High Retreat, in which I worked for a few hours in the kitchen helping prepare and serve food to the masses and then assisted in belaying in the challenge course. I've been finding I so enjoy these opportunities. Sometimes, they cause me some anxiety (such as when I still have a large paper to write and little time to write it), but in general, I have been loving interacting with the other staff members, meeting kids, and really just serving. It seems to me I often use my time less than wisely, so when these weekend opportunities come around, I feel like I'm using my time for some good for once. That being said, sometimes it feels weird to be living at a camp 24/7 and a person wishes they could escape the scene briefly for some different pace and purpose... but that is a story for another day.
Lastly, this weekend also provided some great opportunities for service, fellowship and leadership at Cobblehill. On Sunday, us Kaleos, Kristie (our student-life leader/driver/fellow churchgoer and friend), and a few of the youth essentially put on the morning service, giving the usual team a bit of a break. We led the music, the prayers, read scripture, etc., and though this called for a somewhat dauntingly early morning, the service went extremely well and I left church feeling confident and refreshed in the way the Lord had used us. In the evening, then, we returned to lead The Bridge service. We chose to have a fairly laid-back service once again, since there had been little time to plan as we prepared for that morning. And so, we enjoyed a fairly intimate, small group, campfire style, acoustic service. It was a good day, filled with many laughs, many egg sandwiches (there had been a funeral), and a definitely feeling of contentedness in God's presence and trust in the abilities He's given us.
The Lord's been teaching me contemplation and reliance lately. He's been placing many thoughts on my heart and mind, and showing me the importance of seeking a new kind of wisdom that comes only through a fear of Him. I'm not sure right now what exactly this fear involves, but I'm looking forward to delving into this a bit. (See Proverbs 2:1-5!) Moreover, within this, He's been showing me some of my own faults. Call it breaking, call it refining, but somehow I feel it hasn't been a painful enough breaking yet, a tedious enough refining. I know He's not done. But over and over again, I've been finding amazing comfort in Psalm 139, in that though God is so familiar with all my ways, all my shortcomings, all my anxious thoughts, He is still in love with me; He still wants to "lead me in the way everlasting" (verse 24.) What a gracious God we serve!
Time for me to close. This week, we're embarking on a new kind of adventure: 24/7 Week of Prayer. Please join me and my fellow students in this time of intense, focused communication with the Lord, and expect Him to do great things. Thank you so much for your love and prayers. Sometimes, I can feel them all around, blanketing me.
Love and blessings to you and yours,
Jess
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
New Perspectives
Hey all!
So there is much and yet little to say about the island life this week. I feel I definitely experienced much, and yet am not sure there's loads I want to say about it; perhaps some things will never be truly given justice through my words. Regardless, here's an attempt.
Monday kicked off the week with an intriguing opportunity. We jumped in the vans and headed to Victoria for the day to hang out downtown amongst the homeless and struggling. We offered them food, second-hand clothes from our camp's lost and found, socks and mitts, and simply chatted with them, asking them their stories and sharing Christ through a simple smile. What an amazing day of experience. At the day's start, I was, quite frankly, terrified and lost. I had no idea how to approach these people. But God quickly broke down these barriers, and by day's end, I found no greater joy than seeing the faces of those we helped, so grateful they were driven to tears. We take so much for granted. I guarantee you I have never cried at having received something so simple as a sweater and an orange. There is so much for us to learn from these people. By the time we headed home, I couldn't help feeling discouraged. The fact remained that I was going home to a warm bed, more food and clothes than I need, and would be stopping at Starbucks, most likely, along the way. In the grande scheme of things, I did very little to change these people's lives; perhaps there was a seed planted, but really, I have no ability to transform their world. In this, I found frustration. But anyways, regardless of these thoughts, it was a positive and challenging experience. These lyrics ran through my mind endlessly that day: "Now that I have seen, I am responsible. Faith without deeds is dead."
On Tuesday, we had the wonderful pleasure of going caving! Quite on the opposite side of the emotional spectrum as the previous day had been, this was a joyous, adventurous day of intrigue. Put bluntly, I was born to cave. I loved getting soaked and muddy; crawling through the pitch black with only a headlamp on; wedging myself amidst cracks and crevasses, and wiggling through holes barely large enough. Here is an experience I insist upon having again. After that we enjoyed some swimming at the Nanaimo Aquatic Centre. Good times. The remainder of the week-days were spent doing homework and, most prevalently, relaxing.
On the weekend, I then got the opportunity to experience a bit of a different form of ministry and service than I have thus far. It was the camp's Junior High retreat, and yours truly was a counsellor. This means: full-time ministry from Friday night to Sunday morning. How utterly exhausting! And yet, how rewarding. It amazes me how quickly I grew to love the 7 girls in my cabin. We shared many laughs, many meaningful discussions, and got wet and muddy in the unceasing rain. It was a stretching and challenging experience, but nonetheless most enjoyable. What an unparalleled opportunity to build into the lives of those younger than yourself; to attempt to be a genuine example of Christ for them; to show them His love when perhaps they've never seen any such love before. I love building relationships like this.
And lastly (I'm sure you're all thinking: "enough, already, Jess!"), we once again held the Bridge service on Sunday evening at Cobblehill. This service was, by far, my favorite yet. We chose to have a bit of a campfire style service, with a more intimate, personal feel. We sat in a circle, sang songs simply to the acoustic guitar, and shared bible verses that had been meaningful to us recently. This meant a different role was to be filled by myself than typically: I spoke about a verse, prayed over the service, and merely sang with the multitude (if 20 people can be called a multitude). It was a nice change to be able to relax away from the piano and just enjoy praising the Father. What's more, there were a couple more new kids there that we were able to connect with, and a bunch of my fellow Kaleos came out for the service for the first time, so it was great to have a sizeable number of people in support of this ministry. I left feeling very exuberant and content in my tiredness. I continue to feel a growing sense of belonging to this church, as relationships are developed and the Lord moves. Cool.
And so, thats about it for this past week. A lot happened. And here I sit, feeling encouraged and thankful and challenged all at once. I like being in this place... not only physically, but mentally. Hope you and yours are doing splendidly! I miss you all!
Love and blessings,
Jess
So there is much and yet little to say about the island life this week. I feel I definitely experienced much, and yet am not sure there's loads I want to say about it; perhaps some things will never be truly given justice through my words. Regardless, here's an attempt.
Monday kicked off the week with an intriguing opportunity. We jumped in the vans and headed to Victoria for the day to hang out downtown amongst the homeless and struggling. We offered them food, second-hand clothes from our camp's lost and found, socks and mitts, and simply chatted with them, asking them their stories and sharing Christ through a simple smile. What an amazing day of experience. At the day's start, I was, quite frankly, terrified and lost. I had no idea how to approach these people. But God quickly broke down these barriers, and by day's end, I found no greater joy than seeing the faces of those we helped, so grateful they were driven to tears. We take so much for granted. I guarantee you I have never cried at having received something so simple as a sweater and an orange. There is so much for us to learn from these people. By the time we headed home, I couldn't help feeling discouraged. The fact remained that I was going home to a warm bed, more food and clothes than I need, and would be stopping at Starbucks, most likely, along the way. In the grande scheme of things, I did very little to change these people's lives; perhaps there was a seed planted, but really, I have no ability to transform their world. In this, I found frustration. But anyways, regardless of these thoughts, it was a positive and challenging experience. These lyrics ran through my mind endlessly that day: "Now that I have seen, I am responsible. Faith without deeds is dead."
On Tuesday, we had the wonderful pleasure of going caving! Quite on the opposite side of the emotional spectrum as the previous day had been, this was a joyous, adventurous day of intrigue. Put bluntly, I was born to cave. I loved getting soaked and muddy; crawling through the pitch black with only a headlamp on; wedging myself amidst cracks and crevasses, and wiggling through holes barely large enough. Here is an experience I insist upon having again. After that we enjoyed some swimming at the Nanaimo Aquatic Centre. Good times. The remainder of the week-days were spent doing homework and, most prevalently, relaxing.
On the weekend, I then got the opportunity to experience a bit of a different form of ministry and service than I have thus far. It was the camp's Junior High retreat, and yours truly was a counsellor. This means: full-time ministry from Friday night to Sunday morning. How utterly exhausting! And yet, how rewarding. It amazes me how quickly I grew to love the 7 girls in my cabin. We shared many laughs, many meaningful discussions, and got wet and muddy in the unceasing rain. It was a stretching and challenging experience, but nonetheless most enjoyable. What an unparalleled opportunity to build into the lives of those younger than yourself; to attempt to be a genuine example of Christ for them; to show them His love when perhaps they've never seen any such love before. I love building relationships like this.
And lastly (I'm sure you're all thinking: "enough, already, Jess!"), we once again held the Bridge service on Sunday evening at Cobblehill. This service was, by far, my favorite yet. We chose to have a bit of a campfire style service, with a more intimate, personal feel. We sat in a circle, sang songs simply to the acoustic guitar, and shared bible verses that had been meaningful to us recently. This meant a different role was to be filled by myself than typically: I spoke about a verse, prayed over the service, and merely sang with the multitude (if 20 people can be called a multitude). It was a nice change to be able to relax away from the piano and just enjoy praising the Father. What's more, there were a couple more new kids there that we were able to connect with, and a bunch of my fellow Kaleos came out for the service for the first time, so it was great to have a sizeable number of people in support of this ministry. I left feeling very exuberant and content in my tiredness. I continue to feel a growing sense of belonging to this church, as relationships are developed and the Lord moves. Cool.
And so, thats about it for this past week. A lot happened. And here I sit, feeling encouraged and thankful and challenged all at once. I like being in this place... not only physically, but mentally. Hope you and yours are doing splendidly! I miss you all!
Love and blessings,
Jess
Monday, November 3, 2008
Freedom!
Ahh.... can you taste it? The freedom I have felt since I handed in numerous fateful assignments Sunday afternoon is tangible, real, and most spectacular. I can finally relax a little bit; not feel guilty taking half an hour to go for slurpies; clean my room perhaps. The break, however short and ripe with opportunity to still work, is being savored. Not loads to say about this past week other than one: schoolwork. Maybe y'all have been thinking that I don't really go to school, but just do sweet adventures all the time. Well, if nothing else, this past week should, I hope, have you convinced otherwise. First off, this past week was spent almost entirely (Monday to Friday) in the class of Hermeneutics, with our flown-in prof., Merrill Dyck. Although I must admit that I'm not convincingly sure how "hermeneutically"-minded I am, I did enjoy the class a lot, and learned so much about how to properly read and interpret the Bible. Other than that, most of the evenings and Saturday were spent in homework, completing in-week Hermeneutics homework and Spiritual Formations final projects before the fast-approaching, and ever looming, due-date.
Then, on Sunday I once again enjoyed fellowship and the church service at Cobblehill. Again, I am so thankful for the pereseverance and positivity God has given me in this situation. I love it, but even when I feel challenged, tired and perhaps don't feel like putting an effort in, He is working in me and shaping me and reminding me to see Him in it all. Then, after coming home for a couple hours for last-minute assignment touchups and the big hand-in, we headed back to practice for the Bridge. Although the music quality may speak otherwise, I can feel each week that we are becoming more unified as a team. Plus, even though it is sometimes overwhelming, God is stretching me in new ways as He has placed me in somewhat of a place of leadership over the music aspect of this service. Crazy... I've taken so many lessons and yet I can't help but feel, at times, inadequate. Again, something I have to keep in mind: all praise to the Father is pleasing in His ears; inadequacy does not exist through Him (He provides what we need and does not place us in situations we can't handle); and motivation is everything (if my heart is behind it, everything else falls into place - including my attitude). So ya, after a wonderful (its always wonderful) meal with the crew, it was about show-time. Though God didn't bless us with the hugest crowd, there were some new kids that came out, which I am extremely excited about. I think its so cool how God continues to shape my perspective of success - when I used to think it was all about numbers, I'm beginning to realize its much more about sincerity, individuals, and opportunity. Praise the Lord for that!
And so, even though this may not have necessarily been my most intriguing of weeks activity-wise, I can also honestly and sort of curiously say that it has been perhaps one of my most spiritual. The Lord blessed me this week with thoughts of conversation with Him. He pushed me to figure some things out, and in that, to centre back in on Him. For most of the week, I felt this unparalleled, insatiable craving to spend time with Him in a deeper way than I have allowed time for lately. It was necessary, refreshing and intriguingly new. I simply found myself, in the midst of the day, wanting to rush through everything, deny a few things, and just get to business with Jesus once again. I don't really know what else to say about this except that I loved it and its encouragement to me. I can definitely say that I'm in a different state of mind in life and faith tonight than I might have been last week. And for this, I have so much to be thankful for. Thanks again, all, for your prayers. One thing I've learned here lately is that prayer has gastronomic potential. So thank you. Hope you and yours are better than the last time I said something to that effect. Miss you and love you all.
- Jess
Then, on Sunday I once again enjoyed fellowship and the church service at Cobblehill. Again, I am so thankful for the pereseverance and positivity God has given me in this situation. I love it, but even when I feel challenged, tired and perhaps don't feel like putting an effort in, He is working in me and shaping me and reminding me to see Him in it all. Then, after coming home for a couple hours for last-minute assignment touchups and the big hand-in, we headed back to practice for the Bridge. Although the music quality may speak otherwise, I can feel each week that we are becoming more unified as a team. Plus, even though it is sometimes overwhelming, God is stretching me in new ways as He has placed me in somewhat of a place of leadership over the music aspect of this service. Crazy... I've taken so many lessons and yet I can't help but feel, at times, inadequate. Again, something I have to keep in mind: all praise to the Father is pleasing in His ears; inadequacy does not exist through Him (He provides what we need and does not place us in situations we can't handle); and motivation is everything (if my heart is behind it, everything else falls into place - including my attitude). So ya, after a wonderful (its always wonderful) meal with the crew, it was about show-time. Though God didn't bless us with the hugest crowd, there were some new kids that came out, which I am extremely excited about. I think its so cool how God continues to shape my perspective of success - when I used to think it was all about numbers, I'm beginning to realize its much more about sincerity, individuals, and opportunity. Praise the Lord for that!
And so, even though this may not have necessarily been my most intriguing of weeks activity-wise, I can also honestly and sort of curiously say that it has been perhaps one of my most spiritual. The Lord blessed me this week with thoughts of conversation with Him. He pushed me to figure some things out, and in that, to centre back in on Him. For most of the week, I felt this unparalleled, insatiable craving to spend time with Him in a deeper way than I have allowed time for lately. It was necessary, refreshing and intriguingly new. I simply found myself, in the midst of the day, wanting to rush through everything, deny a few things, and just get to business with Jesus once again. I don't really know what else to say about this except that I loved it and its encouragement to me. I can definitely say that I'm in a different state of mind in life and faith tonight than I might have been last week. And for this, I have so much to be thankful for. Thanks again, all, for your prayers. One thing I've learned here lately is that prayer has gastronomic potential. So thank you. Hope you and yours are better than the last time I said something to that effect. Miss you and love you all.
- Jess
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