Poised to Take a Bite of the Big Apple

Good evening one and all.

This will be brief, and my bed is calling most earnestly to me considering the whirlwind turmoil of a day I face tomorrow. Believe it or not, I leave, in approximately 15 1/2 hours, for Brooklyn, New York, on my missions trip. Now, there is little to say about the trip or what we'll be doing, cuz as of now, I really know little of what to expect. And so, I will simply wait until my return and fill you in with much more interesting tid-bits comprised of stories and emotion, rather than facts and schedules. Wait for me patiently.

And so, Monday at 6:30 pm, I will be departing from school to catch a ferry to the mainland, drive to Seattle, and catch a 6:30 am flight Tuesday morning to the airport in NYC. Insane! We will then be in New York for the next two weeks, working with an organization called Metro Ministries in their ministry to the underprivileged in the Brooklyn projects. I expect it to be challenging, eye-opening, and altogether transformative. I anticipate God moving in incredible ways. And, all this being said, it doesn't help that I also get to do a little bit of sweet sight-seeing... Statue of Liberty, Times Square, or Ground Zero, anyone?! And so, what more to say? I'm bound for the Big Apple, excited and yet terrified out of my wits for what is to come. Don't get me wrong, I cannot wait... and yet, I am wrought with this lingering nervous tension that clasps my stomach like a vise-grip. I am finally being struck with the reality of the situation, and am realizing the true seriousness of this, my mission. That, and I am coming to the recognition of the fact that I am a blonde, very white, small-town, Norwegian prairie girl, that sometimes says "y'all," going into the inner city as an obvious minority with no comprehension of that culture or that lifestyle. Should be interesting, folks... stay posted.

- Jess

p.s. - Your prayer over these next couple weeks for myself, my leaders, and my team would be so appreciated. Pray that we would be strong in the Lord, seeking and relying on Him in everything we encounter. Pray that we would be humble, selfless, unified, wise, discerning, and, in the utmost, loving. Pray that we would not hesitate to fully invest ourselves in our ministry. Pray that we would have no cause to regret. Pray that we would bask in our Lord's grace, goodness, and holiness, and that, through this experience, we might not only shine His light to unbelievers, but grow in our own relationships with Yahweh. Amen.

p.p.s - Our main "Kaleo Six" blog, which should be linked to my blogger profile, should have updated information about our teams and trip goings-on whilst we're on the mission field. Please feel free to stay updated on our progress, as well as that of the other two teams sent out from our school, to India and Vancouver/Ucluelet/Copper Island.

The Culmination of a Lot of Efforts

Good evening all, and my apologies for, once again, being inconsistent in blog terms. My "once-a-week" has, this semester, quickly become a "once-in-a-while," and for that I am sorry. If I've said in my previous posts that life here was crazy, I was speaking in ignorance of the true meaning of the word. And so, though I now hesitate to give the past two weeks the same label in case of some greater craziness to come, I think I can confidantly say that they have been a whirlwind and a half... or two whirlwinds.

And so, what to say? The most prominent theme of the past two weeks has, undoubtedly, been that of homework. Essentially, the first of the past two weeks was spent in the finishing of a couple assignments and the half-hearted preparation for finishing of further assignments following a reading break adventure. Indeed, half-hearted may be an exaggeration. Little success was to be had in the preparatory realm. This was followed by a scatter-brained, rushed 4 am start on Thursday morning to trek to the good land of Saskatchewan and all the adventures awaiting us there at YQ. I will summarize the bus ride in a few brief words: long, tiring, challenging, restless, surprising, inefficient, and typically enjoyable. YQ was a fun-filled weekend in the frigid heart of my beloved homeland. I got to see my parents and sister, to visit with old and new friends, and to return to a sense of the real world and what being a Christian therein actually entails. I have been living in a bubble for a long time. It was nice to get out and to test the new perspectives I've claimed to have gained here at Kaleo. And so, after a weekend of less sleep than the drive out, we embarked on the drive back. I contracted a head cold, we sprinted to make our ferry Amazing Race style, and returned back here at school to tackle a long list of academic duties.

More or less, accomplishing these class requirements was what has constituted most of my time since then. Though I am now basking in the freedom of coming out the other side still alive, I will say that it was a tight squeeze. I have written 5 papers, read 3 of the Gospels, and two novels in less than two weeks. Someone call Guiness - I think I have a new world record! In the least, I can say to you most confidently now that I am capable of most anything, and to back this up with some Scripture: "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." (Phil. 4:13) In fact, now that I am somewhat idle and should be enjoying a sense of relaxation, I feel quite aimless. You know it's bad when you don't remember how to NOT be busy. Nonetheless, I would be lying to say I am not marvelling in this burgeoning week of few responsibilities. Life is good.

And so, there is little more to say than that Sunday was also a day of fulness and life, or perhaps a magnification of my recent lack thereof due to exhaustion. Church in the morning and the Bridge in the evening followed the suit of weeks previous. Also, shockingly, I somehow managed to remain completely stress-free amidst my duties that day, despite the threat of several due dates threatening upon my return to school Sunday evening. God is teaching me how He sustains. How grateful I am that He continues to manifest Himself so evidently every week to me. Furthermore, as we were sitting in church, a friend of mine gazed at me and commented, "You love this church, don't you?"

To be honest with you, I was shocked by my reply. I do. I never expected to; I don't think I ever even hoped to. And yet, somewhere in the midst of being challenged and uncomfortable and humbled, I have grown into a love for that tiny building and the people that occupy it each week. With this realization came a pang of heartbreak; I have approximately 4 weeks left at Cobblehill. 4 weeks that are going to fly by... and then, I leave this place and those people and am forced to reflect upon my time there. Have I invested into these people as much as Christ has called me to? How have I been selfish and ignorant in my ministry? What have I really learned? I am faced with the fact that that quickly approaching day is going to be a humbling one. And so, I am motivated. I hope and pray that I will make the most of this last month. I hope and pray that God will use me... that He HAS used me, and that my personal glory has not gotten in the way of that. Join me in prayer for this church community and for my time there. The clock is ticking.

Here I sit in the midst of our second-last class week: Gospels. I am loving it. I have reached the culmination of two weeks of scholastic efforts; of two weeks of late nights and distracted avoidance of the task at hand. I'm on the up and up. And...I am leaving for New York City in less than a week. I have a lot on mind, and yet no knowledge of defining or expressing it. And so, I will close. I love and miss you all. Eternal thank-you's for your prayers and support.

Blessings,
Jess

In Anticipation

This week, I write in the midst of a whirlwind. I am aiming at completing this post in as little time as possible so that I can pursue a bedtime earlier than I have achieved thus far this year. Today, I awoke at the spritely hour of 5 am to go snowboarding further north on the island. We were blessed with gorgeous weather (thus my sunburnt, heat-radiating face), and considerably better conditions than a few weeks back. It was a great day of riding, but needless to say, now that this hour has rolled around, I am exhausted.

That being said, we are also currently attempting to move towards completion on several persisting homework assignments before heading our separate ways for reading break - starting this thursday. Cue the anticipation, however subdued by my present lack of energy. On Thursday morning, I will be heading off with several of my co-horts on a 24-hour long bus ride to.... my motherland!!! Youth Quake is calling our names, so I'm looking forward to the opportunity to see some flat ground again, to visiting with my parents, however briefly, and to participating in all the festivities that constitute YQ. Again, much anticipation. The break will be a refreshing change of scenery that I think I'm going to appreciate immensely.

And now, what to say of this past week? I wrote a test, I had a one-day class, half-heartedly did homework.... I participated in a Girls Overnighter, in which we managed to leave the boys behind for some much needed female bonding over dancing, food, truth or dare, prayer and sharing. It was such an encouraging blessing... I am constantly floored by the ridiculous amount of undeserved love I receive from these beautiful ladies I live with. Shortly after this, we were rejoined with our fellas for... Valentine's Day, that most cliché, and yet coveted, of holidays. All I will say is that my Valentine's was lovely. To say anything more would seem to go against the spirit of the holiday, especially when indulged upon in the form of blogger. I will, however, mention that I ended the day off with a triple bowling and burgers date. This involved myself and my two roomies hitting up the city in costume for an evening of '50s fun with one of the boys' rooms. Fun was had by all. Here's me wishing you all a Happy Belated Love Day! Hope it was a good one.

And so, this brings me up to Sunday. The usual: church in the morning, lunch and hustle in the afternoon, back to the Bridge and home for hurried conversation and bed, was the order of the day. I am unsure of what more to expand upon in this realm this week, except to say that I have recently come to the stark realization that I have two months left out here and nearly one month of that will be spent in NYC. This means that I have very few Sundays left at Cobblehill, and this has brought me to a place of reflection: on the past months, on the Lord's blessings and sustainment, on my purpose and place in that church, on my future involvement there as I attempt to make the most of my time. I pray that I use it effectively, that I continue to intentionally build into relationships and be uncomfortable for the sake of the Kingdom.

In love, gratefulness, and relative brevity,

Jess

"This Week the Trend...

.. was to borrow all the strength that You could lend to keep my head above the water and not descend back to where I said I'd never go again." In these, the renowned lyrics of the playlist of reminiscent Relient K tunes echoing through my mind from years past, I find a bit of a summary of my past week.

A whirlwind of epic proportions, I must admit that when I reflect upon these last few days, little sticks out in my mind. It was an enjoyable, yet draining, blur of classes, projects, and routine. This being said, do not misunderstand me - A LOT HAPPENED. And yet, it seems that, for once, I don't feel the need to completely break everything down for you all. Suffice it to say that we had class (Old Testament Literature, to be exact), which I quite loved this time around, and that we had a massive-sized group creative project involving the whole class making a narrative video summary of the entire Old Testament. This ended up meaning many hours of class, many hours of script writing, many hours of filming, and many hours of editing, to result in a most splendid exposé that I feel sure our class will appreciate from time to time as years go on. It appealed to the comic in each of us, and gave us the coveted opportunity to look back at Christmas pageants of our childhoods and model our apparel thereafter. Fun stuff. Check the vid, up soon on our class blog: www.kaleosix.blogspot.com. On another note, this week was a nice opportunity, with the onslaught (or at least prospective promise) of spring on the horizon, to enjoy the burgeoning type of weather that prompts hikes, trampoline photo shoots, and running adventures that bring you quite incidentally sliding on your backside down miniature cliff waterfalls. Good times all around.

And yet, here I must return to Relient K. As great as the week was, it was also exhausting and busy and overwhelming, as I'm discovering many a week to be in this crazy program. I love it all, and yet, sometimes I find myself grappling and reaching to grab hold of something steadfast and firm and reeking of even the slightest trace of relaxation or rest. Over and over again, I find myself striving, in imperfect human effort, to conquer the world and every responsibility I can fit under my belt all on my own. I get bogged down, and yet, strive towards this persona of strength and ultra-control that forces me to invent masks of independence and power that I am hopeless to maintain. I am realizing that for years now I have been whipping out these masks, as I struggle through even the simplest of challenges, and so, I am now learning to retire the masks in recognition of the more favorable option of being real and vulnerable and afraid for the first time. I am not a fan of this process, but Christ has been lending me the strength I need - the strength I never really had anyways but tricked myself into thinking I did. And in this, there is reason to rejoice; there is light to be seen; there are challenges, and even schedules, to be conquered. He brings me rest and peace, and yet implants within me an eager expectancy of things to come. He places in me the yearning to wait on Him for His perfect timing, yet to do so enthustiastically in the promise that I am not waiting for naught. And so, it was in this knowledge that I approached the weekend, and continue to attempt to approach my days - in knowing that I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.

And so, we enter Sunday. For once, I did not have the overbearing pressure of an impending homework assignment looming over my head, so the day was much more relaxing and enjoyable. Following the morning service, my fellow church-goers and I travelled into Vic for the day to eat lunch at a friend's, then headed back to Cobblehill for the usual Bridge routine. I feel like I'm beginning to say much the same thing about this each week, so starting this coming week, I'm going to try to speak to this a bit more in depth; I'm going to try to consider Christ's work in that place and in my presence there a bit more. For now, though, no more to say than that the Lord continues to challenge and grow me here. He continues to make me fall in love with the people of this tiny church. He continues to force me to lean on Him. He continues to move and work in hearts, and to show His unparalleled power. All praise be to Him.

Love and hugs,
Jess

p.s. - Please pray for my room... we were disqualified from a room cleaning contest for being too messy. Go figure. haha. We are now in clean mode, and struggling to keep it so. Thank-you. Also, continued prayers for me as I decipher my plans for the summer and next school year would be greatly appreciated. Moreover, my NYC missions team would also love your prayer support, and I would love some prayer for prioritizing and healthful amounts of sleep. Many thanks again! I love you all.

Hello Vancouver, Goodbye Comfortable Existence

Good evening, and consider yourselves lucky that I actually got around to doing this on the day you all expect, rather than, say, 3 days later. God is good, and I don't just say that for the present case, but really, He is good!, and He keeps throwing this on repeat in my mind lately as no matter how many times He tells me, I still manage to forget it.

And so, what to report on the past week? Essentially, Monday and Tuesday mornings were spent in Theology class, and homework consumed a majority of the rest of our time. Come Thursday, we all set off for an early ferry over to the Mainland (my first since moving out here in September). After an afternoon of shopping and bombing around in downtown Vancouver, we prepared ourselves and embarked upon the adventure that is Missions Fest. If some of you don't know, Missions Fest is basically a giant Christian conference focused strictly on missions (think YC or Breakforth but with this different emphasis). Before tackling that on Friday afternoon through Saturday night, though, we were given the opportunity on Friday morning to visit and learn about a Muslim Mosque and a Hindu temple. This was an eye-opening, informative, and heart-breaking experience, as we encountered people who lack the hopeful spark that we, as Christians, have in Christ. Please pray for those we met there: that some witness might come out of our brief presence amongst them and that the Lord would break through Satan's strongholds in those major world religions.

And now, on to Missions Fest. I feel like there's so much to say, and very little space to say, so I'll try to be brief. Essentially, this experience was OVERWHELMING. Busily rushing about, with constant noise all about you and about a million messages being screamed at you, I was in severe danger of missing the entire point of this conference. God, in His great redemption and goodness, somehow prompted me to pause, to reflect, and to seek His will for that weekend. It ended up being an incredible time of clarity, confusion, fear, and confidence. I write this realizing that every week I seem to become more of an oxymoron of character traits, but its all true. While I am beginning to feel an exciting and passionate sense of calling for the future, and a spectacular sense of security in my own ability through Him, I am also terrified and confused as I attempt to decipher the reality of what this means for my life and to recognize the truth of this call being from myself or from Christ. Most of all, I am now uncomfortable and restless and striving and seeking. He has a funny way of doing that to me this year. Pray for God's guidance and development as I wrestle through this.

Just a glimpse, so you know where I'm coming from... God has been awakening a desire in my heart to tackle the horrors of sex trafficking worldwide by making this recognized throughout society using my words. I want to challenge and burden people with this cause; to deny them the comfort of denying this need. This has yet to take a defined shape in wordly terms, and I fear its presence as a phase of passion which has no real place in my lifelong purpose, but nonetheless, it is on my heart lately. Oh, and maybe this is random, but for those of you who enjoy his work, I heard Tony Campolo speak in a session Friday night. It was a challenging message aimed straight at my heart. Hmm.. what more to say? I swear in this busyness I'm losing my mind.

So, Sunday was spent in utter chaos, as usual. This is a chaos I typically dread, and end up always enjoying. God is gracious and, again, so SO good. I helped with music in church, went to some friends' for lunch, did homework and had a nap at their house, practiced and planned the Bridge, held the Bridge, called my dad with happy birthday wishes (shout-out to you, Daddy!.. and to Momma on Saturday!) went home, handed in an assignment, visited friends, did pre-course reading for the Old Testament Literature class that started today, and went to bed by midnight. Twas a big, busy day. I must admit that I entered it feeling most overwhelmed and burdened, and quite unsure of my ability to live through it, but Christ is so faithful and sustaining. Oh, how he teaches me. He whispers to me that I need not do these things on my own.. I have the Most High God right beside me, and I merely need to rely on Him and give up my own sorry attempts at measuring up. He humbles me, and for that, I am grateful. I continue to be excited about this ministry. Though we often lack the numbers I have grown wrongfully accustomed to measuring success by, He is working in other ways that smack me in the face for putting Him in a box. For this, and so much more, I praise Him. I hope you do too.

All my love, dear ones,
Jess

The Down-Low

Hello all.

And so, here I am again, writing this blog at the last minute.. or past that, but with much to report on this time around. My most sincere apologies if your heads are spinning after reading this - believe me, mine has been whilst adventuring through these activities. And as much as I'd love to indulge you all in the inner workings and contemplations of my heart and mind these days, I fear you are all in desperate need of a legitimate update on my activities of late.

Hm.. where to start? Well, as mentioned last week, I returned to school from Christmas holidays with a schedule packed to the rafters. This schedule has persisted, has overwhelmed, and has challenged me over the last days, yet it has been endured and, for the most part, hurriedly enjoyed. Our first week back was filled largely with enthusiastic and heartfelt reunions, while also, during the days, delving into our largely ill-prepared-for class on the theology of mission. Sunday was filled with joyous hugs and smiles as we Cobblehillers caught up with our ministry church, and we once again held the Bridge in the evening.

I know, I know.. I have it pretty rough at this school of mine and I'm sure you're all feeling enthusiastically sympathetic towards me as I participate in adventure after adventure, but week two of semester two was spent in a ski chalet on a mountainside at Mount Washington, towards the north of the island. For five days we descended upon this resort, tearing up the runs with our respective snowboards and skiis. Yours truly posed as snowboarder chick supreme, but the fun didn't stop there. We also took a day to go snowshoeing in the backcountry of the mountains and to build snow quincies. It was pretty invigorating to get an opportunity to unabashedly act like a ten-year-old again, playing in the snow that I think I've taken for granted most of my life. When we weren't out on the hill, we were hot-tubbing at the chalet, eating spectacular food, chatting with peers, or participating in some great group dynamic-building chapels in which we were given the opportunity to share our dreams and plans for the future and to encourage and build one another up. All in all, it was perhaps my favorite Kaleo week thus far, but I must report on our injury count for this little outtrip. I hope it will not taint your view of the experience.

Injury tally: 2 broken arms (inflicted upon my two dear roommates Jay and Mal; let's just say I've been busy in the room lately with such simple tasks as doing up pants and pouring shampoo), 1 concussion, and 1 nearly amputated finger that was restitched on with 12 stitches. The adrenalin and danger of this risky business was somehow quite tangible to us. The weekend following this escapade passed quite uneventfully, with much relief by all.

And now, I find myself upon this past week. For the most part, there is little to report. Count your blessings, dear ones. With one day of Theology class with my pastor from Cobblehill, some group worship and chapels, and some lovely afternoon skating, we were here given the opportunity to somewhat catch up on sleep, homework, life and love. One evening was spent eating New York hot dogs and watching a documentary film on Metro Ministries, an organization myself and about 10 others are travelling to the inner city of the Brooklyn projects to work with in mid March for two weeks for a short-term missions opportunity. If you all could be praying for our group as we prepare for this adventure of more vast proportions than typical, it would be so appreciated. Pray for unity and bonding among our team members especially in these upcoming months, and that all the funding we require would fall into place. For more information on this trip, please just ask. I'd love to tell you more.

This weekend, again, sought to test the limits of the definition of busyness. From Thursday til Monday, we participated in a 24/4 week of prayer, modelled after our 24/7 week of prayer in the first semester. Saturday was spent sleeping and on homework, and then we Cobblehillers enjoyed an evening birthday party and sleepover for our pastor's son. Sunday was a constant rushing from responsibility to responsibility, as I attended church, did lunch dishes, wrote an entire paper in 2 hours (HURRAH for procrastination!..although I've been told I mention that theme too often), again prepared, practiced for and held the Bridge, and hurried home to pray in the prayer room. Through days like this the Lord has been faithfully teaching me His complete and perfect sustainment. Sometimes, I'll go into these Sundays feeling overwhelmed, and attempt to do everything out of my own power and strength, imperfect and lacking as it is. Over and over again, Christ hems me in on these days, and somehow allows me to enjoy the busyness and see His glory in it all. Christ is humbling me and forcing me to kneel before Him as I struggle through. He is confirming again and again that Cobblehill is where I belong and where I am to be used, and even though it is challenging and uncomfortable for me, He is showing me that this is not about me and what I can get out of ministry. It is all about His glory and what I can pour into this church to make that glory known.

As you can see, its been a good run of activities the last while, and again I apologize for my neglect of keeping you all informed. There's so much more I could say, but I'm sure you've all already missed some sort of previous engagement due to committing the time to read this. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your committed prayers and support. I love and miss you all. More next week. Shout outs this week go to my parents in Florida (get tan you two!) and to darling Renee-nay on her birthday (much love dear babe!).

So long,

Jess

So This Is The New Year.....

which means saying hello again to Kaleo and the prospect of coastal living! Brace yourselves - there are intriguing adventures to update upon.

Due in many ways to my own neglect, this post is extremely late. My most sincere apologies to any avid followers. Let's chalk it up to my attempts at returning to my insurpassable scholastic focus that was so evident last semester. Anyways, enough excuses. Here I sit, in my chair that I usually write these posts from, scratching dried peanut butter from my shift key, with an untidy mess of scattered garments strewn about me and a stack of stimulating textbooks I can scarcely keep my hands off of. Feel glad I tore myself away from them long enough for this. Please sense my sarcasm. Quite apart from this, though, I am feeling reminiscent and reflective. I am considering the events and lessons of last year, and looking forward with bright eyes and hopeful glances towards the future. There is excitement and enthusiasm within me. I feel a transition coming on; perhaps one more stark and affecting than those gradual ones I constantly encounter. Don't ask me what this means, or what is to be expected, but bask in this glorious moment of the unknown with me. Isn't it invigorating?

And so, what all to say? There are only so many things I can say about my holidays: they were wonderful, they were yearning, they were heart-breaking, they were heart-warming, they were restful, they were busy, they were challenging, they were easy,... full, empty, encouraging, aching - essentially, a contradiction of the greatest proportions. I loved being home with my family, catching up with friends, partaking in all of the stereotypical holiday traditions that I gushed over in previous posts. I marvelled at returning to semi-normal sleeping patterns. I ate hearty, home-cooked meals and read for pleasure. I played in the snow and hid away from the cold.

All at the same time, I missed this ocean-side dwelling of mine; I felt an ache in my heart that something significant was missing. I felt a melancholy I am scarcely accustomed to, a desperation for something great and challenging and purposeful and worthy. I clung to Jesus in a way I barely knew I had the capability of doing, with a hunger and thirst for His word and His presence. In many ways, it was a miniature journey of self-discovery, perhaps more accurately classified as a jaunt. It is wonderful, but it is exhausting and challenging, and, to a lesser extent, it has carried on into life here. I am learning - to seek solace, to be dependent on Him, to retrieve a passion. My time was tainted with an underlying, and unexpected, realization that I have lost my sense of belonging in that place. It will always be home, but I think I am recognizing a strange new desire and strength within me for something new, different, intriguing, purposeful. Don't get me wrong: Kaleo is all of these things. But beyond this year, I yearn for that again. I am growing less comfortable with the proposition of having a comfort zone.

And so, there you have it: a few of the thoughts and conjectures of my soul as of late. I scarcely know what to do with them, and I scarcely know if I've even communicated them to you all in a way that is remotely comprehensible. But regardless, if you all could continue to pray for and with me as I delve into these heart-stirrings, I would be forever indebted. I hope you are a fraction as excited as I am to see God move.

Beyond this, there are many things I should be blogging about, like my ministry here, or the snowboard trip I just returned from in which both of my roommates broke their arms, or a certain missions trip to NYC I'm embarking on in a couple months, but I'm not going to. Not now. Expect a new post within the next few days with updates on all that I'm actually getting marked on. Thanks again and always for your support and prayers. I am sending love and blessings your way.
-Jess